Wednesday, November 30, 2011

A little perspective in a fucked up world.

I know I haven't posted in a long time. Anyway, I just had to get this off my chest.

After class today my mom picked up my brother and I and we headed in to town to get dinner. Afterwards we went grocery shopping. When we first walked in a threw a pack of doughnuts in the cart. IT had about five, just a small pack for 75 cents. We continued to shop and ended up getting the bigger bags of doughnuts for breakfast and stuff. I don't know why but I didn't put the small pack back. I thought about it but I didn't. After we left the store my brother wanted to go look at the jackets at Big 5 so we drove over. When we pulled up there were a couple homeless people, one was behind the pillar and I couldn't see him and the other one was picking through the trash can. There were to doughnuts left in the package, we shared them. I walked over and gave the two doughnuts left to the lady who was picking through the trash, I wasn't thinking about anything I just figured I didn't need them nearly as much as they did. As she took them out of my hand the other guy walked out from behind the pillar and it was a young kid my age. I used to be friends with him. His name is Anthony and his parents kicked him out a while back. I heard he was on the streets but I didn't expect to see him, it took me by surprise. I was in such shock I could barely look at the guy. I shook his hand and we had a brief conversation and both went our separate ways.
Before he saw me, when he was walking toward the lady I handed the food to he was smiling. He was happy. It just makes you think, who are we to complain? Who are we to be pissed off because we didn't get enough sleep that night or because we forgot to eat breakfast or because we're having a bad day. How can it be that the ones with so much don't realize it and the ones who've lost it out are the kindest of us all. The only ones who really have a clue, the only ones who can be grateful for what they have. It just gives you a bit of perspective and I think sometimes we all need that.

This is going to sound unrelated but it's not. In one of my classes part of our final was to do something "philanthropic" (Something nice for someone) and do a presentation on it. So pretty much give someone less fortunate food or money or whatever, take a picture, and present it in front of the class. Later that day I was talking to the teacher and we got into a debate about it. I argued that it wasn't philanthropic because kids were only doing it for the points and the definition of philanthropy is doing something with the knowledge you won't get anything in return. He thought about it and the next day he announced to the class that the assignment was no long mandatory. It won't count against you, only for you.

I know what you're thinking, that's the only reason I gave them the food. You're wrong, I wasn't even thinking about that. I can honestly say the thought didn't cross my mind until the ride home. I didn't think about it in a way that I could use for my benefit, not at all, I don't want the points because then it's meaningless and only for the points. I was thinking about how fucked up of a person I am for convincing him to not make it mandatory. I mean, he had the entire class doing something good for the less fortunate, those who need it and yes it would have been only for the points but you know what? Either way it would have helped someone out, whoever it may be and I just ruined that for them. I'm feeling like a genuine ass hole right about now because it's 100% my fault. I wish there was some way I could take it back because I know most the kids aren't going to do anything anymore. Fuck this world.

- Jacob.