Friday, December 31, 2010

When I die..

When I die here is what I want to happen:
1. I want to be buried, not incarcerated because I want to be able to participate in the zombie apocalypse.

2. I want my tombstone to say nothing but these words here:  "I'll see you in hell"
(Maybe even have the famous picture of Uncle Sam pointing his finger out at who ever is reading, just as a last sick joke)

3. I don't want flowers ever placed on my grave. I don't want flowers when i'm alive, what makes you think i'll want them when i'm dead?

4. I want a small bell placed in front of my tombstone with a string attached to it, the other end shall go down at end up in my coffin. This is what they did in the past in case they buried someone alive by accident (i.e. they were in a coma) so if you woke up in a coffin you could frantically pull the string, in turn ringing the bell. 

5. My Coffin: just through me in a cardboard box, this way it will be easier to get out when i'm a zombie. 

6. I want to have in my cardboard box of a coffin a good book (or a few for that matter), some source of music, and any other source of entertainment. The reasoning for this is because when I wake up as a zombie I don't want to rush to the surface. I want to wait it out for a while, this way the stupid zombies will have rushed out and been shot. I will come up out of the ground after the humans have run out of ammo and there will be much fewer of them. This way my zombie life will last much longer.

7. My Funeral: First, I want every single one of my enemies to be invited and and none of my friends. This way when my body is lowered into the ground I want someone to set off a series of small but powerful bombs killing everyone there as a sense of revenge for what they did to me. Then I want a second funeral with all my friends there and I want it to be a vicious, intense, crazy ass party. I want live music and fucking strobe lights every where. 

8. I think I pretty much covered it all other than where I want to be buried. To answer this I would have to say wherever I am happiest, so I guess I would want to be buried next to the girl I love more than anything because thats where I am truly happy. 

Thursday, December 30, 2010


Wow, that poem was rather terribly written. Whatever, not much to say other than I've been stuck with my family (Sadly) I have been doing pretty much nothing other than reading a new book which I'm 235 pages into. I have been listening to music and drawing but thats it. So I don't know who is reading this but yeah thats what I have been doing this past week if you even care at all.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


There lies a mirror
for you and for me.
A mirror for everyone
reflecting truth to see.

A mirror for the beautiful.
A mirror for the damned.

A mirror for the demons
and a mirror where I stand. 

And in this mirror I can see
My fingers laced with blood
My emotions as vacant as the sea.
and my wrists they slowly flood.

Then I realize,

in this mirror I can see,
This rotting corpse,
is but a future me.

I feel the end is nearer 
than the future could ever come.
In silence I begin to hear,
the slowing beat of a drum.

Soon the tempting blade
winds up back in my hand.
These choices I have made
were never what I planned.

And just moments later,
I lie still on my bed.
with a vacant glare
and wrists flooded red.

These mirrors were the death of me
The future to grim to see.
Tis a future I never want to live.
Tis the future of me.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I miss you...

I miss you terribly my dear, I can't stand to live a day without you here. I knew these two weeks would be hard but I never imagined the pain I would have to endure, this bitter feeling, this sorrow drenched emotion. I am so lost without you so full of pain. I'm trying with every ounce of strength I have to not break the promise we made but it's very difficult with such a tempting blade. I won't though... I promised you and thats something I cannot break. I love you so much my dear and I always will.
      Forever yours,

                      - Jacob

-Missing You-

With closed eyes I weep for you.
Helpless and alone, there is nothing I can do.
Not even the darkest whisper to hear.
This rotting promise I fear.
Because without you by my side,
I feel as though I've died.
Corroding and breaking.
Emotionally faking
As this feeling of sorrow
awaits the morrow.
Come the haunting thought.
A temptation long fought. 
This blood stained blade
offering a dark trade.
But I must try to ignore
this offer I adore.
For an ounce of pain in your eyes
makes me want to die
and knowing the fault is mine
it's impossible to be fine.
So I decline this offer I will later regret
No need to worry, no need to fret.
My heart is your forever more,
I let you in and I shut the door. 
I will not break this promise I made.
The words I said will never fade.
But missing you is the hardest thing to do
because I am so terribly in love with you.

Internally Dead

I am broken. I haven't left the house all break I just miss her.. so much. I can't do anything.. I'm blocking everyone out. Not texting people back. Just sitting here, awaiting her phone call. I just want to hear her voice. I feel pathetic, so dependent. I had never been dependent on anyone before I met her and now i'm just completely lost without her. I guess thats the one downside to finding your other half, you can't live without it..

Friday, December 17, 2010

An Update

I haven't written in a while so here is just an update to everything in my life. Currently, I'm writing a new song on the guitar... well, currently I'm writing this blog post, but i'm in the process of writing a new song. =] Today was a great day, it was Friday and it's finals week so I was in p.e. with Destany for 2 hours which ended up being pretty great. =] For some reason our final was to learn how to swing dance which sounded terrible and honestly I was quite afraid when I found that out because I don't dance, but it turned out pretty fun in all honesty. I was just screwing around and having fun and surprisingly, I was actually dancing O.o so yeah, and after we were done learning everything I went over to the most beautiful girl in the room who just so happens to be the love of my life. =] We danced and I kissed her and made her smile her beautiful smile and laugh her amazing laugh. Then we almost missed the bus, well, she almost missed the bus. I really did miss the bus. It turned out to be a pretty amazing day. =] 

Then after school I was still in a rather good mood, I sent her a message and when I got to town I realized she doesn't have her phone and I realized I won't see her for two weeks so I got rather depressed. I was with Natalya, Sarah, and Michael for a while, it was kind of boring. Then Michael left and shortly after Natalya and Sarah went to Natalya's house, I could have gone but I really wasn't in the mood to be with anyone. Like I said, I was rather depressed. So after they all left I walked to the cemetery, it was pretty because it was raining but I couldn't go sit in the grass because it was completely wet so I walked into the little church there and sat in the bench. It was cold but it was quiet so I was content. Thats really all that happened.. so yeah thats an update to my life right now.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

A Favorite Memory...

I guess one of my favorite memories would be the first day I ate lunch with Destany. We were texting all day and when lunch came she said I should come over to her so I did. I remember walking up and seeing her, with Zack of course and Jacob. They were the only people I knew. I felt extremely awkward but tried not to show it even though i'm sure I did. I just sat down and Destany and I continued to text even though we were right by each other. Zack felt left out because she kept laughing whenever she got a message and I think he had figured out it was me. This is when I started falling in love with her. Sending her funny messages because I loved the sound of her laugh, it made me smile every time. I remember I went there everyday after that just to see her (Because like I said I didn't really know anybody at this point) I remember seeing Zack kiss her and I remember her turning away. I remember watching Zack be an idiot and say things like "Are you mad at me again?" and then just walking off. I remember her being upset, I could see it in her eyes and no one else seemed to notice. I remember talking to her after lunch one day when I could tell she was really upset and trying everything she could to hide it, when everyone left she put her head against the wall and silent tears rolled down her face. I awkwardly tried to comfort her (I've never been good at that) but I tried even though I didn't know what was wrong, I could tell she didn't want to talk about it so I just stood there with her until she was ready to go to class, just to be sure she was okay. Zack had walked away long before then. He is honestly the stupidest person I have ever known, because he didn't realize what he had and now it's too late for him to ever get her back. He was stupid by letting her go, because he will never, ever find someone as good as her. 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

-Falling For You- (Lyrics)

Just some song lyrics I wrote real quick, i'll probably edit them later but right now i'm gonna put music to it. =] 

Lets live our lives forever as one.
Take my hand and together we'll run.
Break away from everyone around.
Lie in my arms and lets not make a sound.
No one can hear us and there is no need to fear
because you'll be safe as long as you're near. 

The second you took my hand
I suddenly knew.
We were meant to be
and I know you knew it too.
A lifetime seems so long,
but with you I can make it through.
I've never felt this way
until I met you.

If theres one thing you should know,
it's that i'll never let go.
Because you showed me how to love,
when you fell down from above.
You're an angel in my eyes.
You're an angel in disguise.
But you let me see through
and I fell in love with you.

The second you took my hand
I suddenly knew.
We were meant to be
and I know you knew it too.
A lifetime seems so long,
but with you I can make it through.
I've never felt this way
until I met you.

You changed my whole life. 
And your love is like a knife.
You stabbed me deep within
and this feeling begins.
I can't quite explain.
It's an amazing pain.
An emotion never felt
and it makes my heart melt.

The second you took my hand
I suddenly knew.
We were meant to be
and I know you knew it too.
A life time seems so long,
but with you I can make it through.
I've never felt this way
until I met you.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Well, Destany told me to write a poem about bunnies so thats just what I plan to do. =] 

The vicious side of bunnies
is what we don't see.
I will tell you my story
of when the bunnies attacked me.

Walking down a road
innocent and free.
little did I know,
the bunnies were behind me.

They jumped out

with sharp teeth and red eyes.
Said they wouldn't hurt me,

but I found out those were lies.

On the count of 3
they screamed "attack!"
Ate my face
and jumped on my back.

Now I'm in the hospital
barely holding on.
Those damn bunnies got me
On the road I walked upon.

And as I lay in the hospital
about to die.
I saw a bunny in the window
and then came the lie.

Again he said
he wouldn't harm me,
but I knew better this time.
So I tried to break free.

But before I could leave 
the bunnies attacked
and from the last encounter
it was strength I lacked.

They left me dying
and as I bled out on the floor
I watched the bunnies
walk one by one out the door.

I died that night.
It's my favorite story to tell,
but as I speak this story. 
I am speaking from hell.

It's hot down here.
It's dark and scary too.
So watch out for the bunnies,
I am warning you.

They may look cute,
but really they're set to kill.
You may think they won't attack you,
but trust me, they will...

How was that hun? =D


What is your opinion? Should someone fight someone even if they know their chances of losing are high?  What if I wanted the pain... what if I wanted to die.. If this was last year, I would have gone in an instant.. but this isn't last year anymore, this is this year and I have something to live for now... someone to live for. So thank you Destany, I know your choice wasn't what I wanted but I also know your choice is what was best. You're the best thing thats ever happened to me.. so thank you. I love you..