Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Another story time!!

Okay, here is another random story I just feel like posting. Honestly at this point in typing I can't quite remember what story it was that I wanted to write but I remember having one. Maybe i'll just write out one of my reoccurring nightmares I had when I was a kid. I've been having a lot of weird dreams recently. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna write one of my nightmares. Or two perhaps I'm not sure yet.

Anyway, one reoccurring nightmare I had when I was little was I would be walking through my house somewhere and I would go into a room alone (i.e. the bathroom, my bedroom, etc.) and a monster like thing would jump out and everything would get dark. Not completely black just as if someone turned off the lights, it's not pitch black, just dark. To continue, I would try to get away, or escape rather from this thing that was always haunting me in my house but once it got dark I couldn't run and I couldn't scream. It was terrible.

Another one, much simpler but involving the same basic aspect is I would be trying to sleep and there would be men dressed in white with sun  glasses on so I couldn't see there face. Just staring at me, watching me as I sleep. Then (In the dream) I would look at the window and they would be gone, then I would wake up. It scared the shit out of me.

I also used to have nightmares about my friends and family dying brutally. (This was also when I was little so I still thought my family to be the greatest people alive) If  had those dreams now I would probably wake up and start laughing my ass off, does that make me a terrible person? 

Now, psychologically speaking in all these dreams (with exceptions to the death one) I was always trying to escape something and I was always in my house. In my vacant memory, when I was really young I saw something that made me feel the need to get away, the need to escape. Something happened in my house that scared me and scarred my childhood with nightmares. I don't know what it was because I was too young to remember but I felt the need to escape from whatever was going on in my house. 

One last dream, or nightmare rather, to tell of. These have all been in order of occurrence. First was the monster one, then the men in white one, followed by the death one and if I remember correctly this one came next. I would be walking in a public place, with lots of people around. This was more all of my fears coming together. I was at my school and everyone was around then I realized I was walking around completely naked so I ran and as I got further away from the school I was suddenly being chased by an old women with a sword who was trying to kill me. I was running and running then I saw my brother, Nick. I stopped and begged for help while I had time but he told me to go away so he could continue talking to his friends. I kept running and I hid under a table, the lady came up and when she started to stab me just before I got hit I would wake up sweaty and out of breath. =\ Scary shit for a little kid. 

Perhaps someday I'll go into the nightmares I have now, I don't wake up scared though. Just wake up and go on with my life. But they're not always nightmares, sometimes it's visions which scares me sometimes because I feel as though i'm going crazy. I won't talk to anybody professional though, I don't need a psychiatrist. Whatever this is I can make it through on my own, just like I have with every other problem I've faced in my life. Although, I did discuss this with my older brother last night, maybe two nights ago. He takes some psychology classes so I was curious to see what he had to say. I told him about my nightmares I used to have and about the feelings I have now. I didn't go into detail, just asked him if he ever gets the feeling that someone is watching him. You know that feeling, well I feel it every second of my life. Even when I know it's impossible for anyone to see me I still feel as though someone is watching me. What I didn't tell him is I know exactly who it is I feel is watching me all the time. Like I said, I didn't go into detail with him on the present issues i'm dealing with. Thats all I really feel like saying right now, all I really feel comfortable with saying right now.. maybe i'll discuss it later in life, but if i'm going to talk about it there is only one person, one girl, that I would ever talk too. I love you and I don't mean to give you a sense of curiosity, but maybe i'll tell you all about it sometime. Just promise me you won't think i'm crazy okay? I love you Destany.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Falling into place.

So, ever since formal everything has been falling into place. Everything just seems right. Destany and I are back together and it's wonderful, everything is wonderful. After thinking about it I've found my place in the world and my place in this world is wherever you are, holding you in my arms. I love you so much and I never want you to forget that. I wish it was still Saturday night, that was the greatest first date ever. =] No matter what we did it would have been the best first date ever.. as long as I was with you. Sappy, yes I know. Don't judge me. =] I really don't have anything left to write so I bid thee farewell.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Formal and stuffs

You amaze me darling, really you do. That was the greatest night I could ever ask for, thank you. What a wonderful first date. =] At least it wasn't as funny as our first kiss. ;) I'm still sorry 'bout that. Anyway, last night was amazing and i'm so very glad we're back together again. I know my mom is okay with the idea of us being back together and I think our mom is warming up to the idea as well considering she didn't send you to Vermont when you told her. It wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought, just a lot of silent gaps. But it was definitely worth it. =] I love you so much and I wish words existed that would express just how much I care about you. I will always love you. Forever, until the day we die and Someday we will be able to tell our kids all about our first date at Winter Formal, right after we tell them about our first kiss. =] By the way, I know I capitalized "Someday" in the last sentence, but thats because I was referring to that specific day of ours. =] I can't wait. You make me so happy. I scrolled all the way down to the first status on my facebook profile and I read them all. They were all depressing and then after I became facebook friends with you it all turned around. I'm not kidding all the depressing statuses died instantly. You're the only person who i'm ever truly happy with. I will love you forever and ever and ever. I promise.  

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Story Time! =D

Okay, random story from my childhood. =]

Background: I was about 6, my older brother was about 9 or 10. Anyway, we have an aunt in Orange County. Her name is Aunt Vicky and she is the typical aunt you see in the movies, you walk up to her and she pinches your cheeks and says "You're so cute!" So, thats all you really need to know for this story and thats all I really know, we don't see her a lot.

So, we were going down to visit her and I, at the time looked up to my older brother Nick, like any little brother would at that age. Nick, decided to come up with a plan: When she opens the door and comes down to pinch are cheeks we run. So I was like okay, thats a good idea because neither of us liked that.
We arrive at her house, my mom knocks on the door and she opens it. Nick and I were standing in front of my mom who was holding are baby brother. She opened it and saw me right away. I saw those claws coming at me and as she started to say " You're so.." I ran under her arm and left Nick standing there in shock and my mother standing there in confusion. Then she moved on to Nick and he wasn't as rebellious as me, he didn't fallow through, he ended up with red cheeks. =]

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Good day for being together, sad day for missing each other.

Today was a wonderful day, she makes me so happy. I love her so fucking much I can't even find the words to express my feelings. The reason for that is words explaining how much I love her don't exist. Anyway, it's really great actually being back together again. No more getting sad when ever someone asks if we're together. No more feeling that small bit of guilt in the back of my head every time we kiss. No more feeling sad in general really except of course during times like this. Times when i'm not with her. I hate being home because I can't see her or talk to her or hold her or be with her which is the only time in life i'm ever honestly happy. So, times like these I am rather down. Sulking in my thoughts and missing her more than anything. I don't know why but it's worse tonight, I miss her so much more than I usually do... which is a lot. There really isn't much left to say other than I hope you liked the note I left for you on your desk in 6th period and I love you more than anything in this universe and more than anything in any other universes we might not know about. 

Sunday, January 9, 2011

The future.

So, today I feel happy. I can't quite figure out why, it could be because I get to see Destany tomorrow which makes me rather happy to think about. I really have no other reason to be happy because I actually really miss her right now. I keep taking out that piece of paper she gave me, makes me smile every time. I hate being home, mainly because I hate being in the same house as my family. I can't wait until we graduate, we can go to New York and get married and live our lives together forever. Our wedding will be amazing, we shall get married in a cemetery at night and the starts will be out. Then, half way through it will start raining and then he will say you may kiss the bride, and I will. and. and then we will go off and go to our hotel room and have the best night ever.  We will sit in the hot tub watching Tim Burton movies the entire night. =D It will be amazing. Then later in our lives we will have kids and they will be awesome. I can't wait until someday. =]

Friday, January 7, 2011

January 7th. =)

Today was an amazing day. Thanks to you my love, seeing that paper made today one of the best days ever. Right up there with August 30th. I love you so much, and I always will. You're the greatest thing ever to happen to me and I could have never imagined being with someone as amazing as you in my entire life. We will be together forever and ever and ever, I promise. =) I'm going to keep that paper forever. When I read it at first, all I saw was "Boyfriend" and I was like huh? then I saw "will you be my" and put them together and was like holy shit!! YES!!!! =) I love you, and i'd say this is a perfect way to start the new year, by starting our lives together. <3

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

-Kill Me-

I see the darkness,
I see the hate.
Kill me now,
it's my fate.

Sooner or later,
will come a date.
The day I die. 
Lets not be late. 

So take this knife
and plunge it through my heart.
It's the only feeling I have left
So please darling, tear it apart.

Kill me, kill me now.
Put me to rest. 
Whisper goodbye in my ear
and stab my pounding chest.

Hate me, Hate me now
for it will be easier to die.
Knowing I won't be hurting you 
I can  peacefully say goodbye..

              - Jacob Schumaker

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

-My Bittersweet Life-

My bittersweet life,
full of dark memories and sins.
The night you said goodbye
is where it all begins. 

My bittersweet life,
holds a beautiful bride,
A future together forever,
A strange feeling of love inside.

My bittersweet life,
of which the seconds tick away.
Wasting away in my mind.
Today: Another wasted day.

My bittersweet life,
Bright, from the light of your eyes.
This feeling, this love,
I no longer despise.

My bittersweet life,
drowned in blood shed and tears.
A blood stained knife.
And a million fears.

My bittersweet life,
revolves around you.
This terribly amazing emotion,
is an emotion I never knew..

My bittersweet life,
Scarred with anger and hate.
Broken and damaged,
it was my life, my fate.

My bittersweet life,
Dropped an angel in my heart.
As if a most amazing dream,
that will never fall apart.

My bittersweet life,
ends with a death.
And all I ask is that you hold my hand,
as I take my last breath.

My bittersweet life,
I just might live through.
Things will be okay,
As long as i'm with you.

                                                                 - Jacob Schumaker