Okay, here is another random story I just feel like posting. Honestly at this point in typing I can't quite remember what story it was that I wanted to write but I remember having one. Maybe i'll just write out one of my reoccurring nightmares I had when I was a kid. I've been having a lot of weird dreams recently. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna write one of my nightmares. Or two perhaps I'm not sure yet.
Anyway, one reoccurring nightmare I had when I was little was I would be walking through my house somewhere and I would go into a room alone (i.e. the bathroom, my bedroom, etc.) and a monster like thing would jump out and everything would get dark. Not completely black just as if someone turned off the lights, it's not pitch black, just dark. To continue, I would try to get away, or escape rather from this thing that was always haunting me in my house but once it got dark I couldn't run and I couldn't scream. It was terrible.
Another one, much simpler but involving the same basic aspect is I would be trying to sleep and there would be men dressed in white with sun glasses on so I couldn't see there face. Just staring at me, watching me as I sleep. Then (In the dream) I would look at the window and they would be gone, then I would wake up. It scared the shit out of me.
I also used to have nightmares about my friends and family dying brutally. (This was also when I was little so I still thought my family to be the greatest people alive) If had those dreams now I would probably wake up and start laughing my ass off, does that make me a terrible person?
Now, psychologically speaking in all these dreams (with exceptions to the death one) I was always trying to escape something and I was always in my house. In my vacant memory, when I was really young I saw something that made me feel the need to get away, the need to escape. Something happened in my house that scared me and scarred my childhood with nightmares. I don't know what it was because I was too young to remember but I felt the need to escape from whatever was going on in my house.
One last dream, or nightmare rather, to tell of. These have all been in order of occurrence. First was the monster one, then the men in white one, followed by the death one and if I remember correctly this one came next. I would be walking in a public place, with lots of people around. This was more all of my fears coming together. I was at my school and everyone was around then I realized I was walking around completely naked so I ran and as I got further away from the school I was suddenly being chased by an old women with a sword who was trying to kill me. I was running and running then I saw my brother, Nick. I stopped and begged for help while I had time but he told me to go away so he could continue talking to his friends. I kept running and I hid under a table, the lady came up and when she started to stab me just before I got hit I would wake up sweaty and out of breath. =\ Scary shit for a little kid.
Perhaps someday I'll go into the nightmares I have now, I don't wake up scared though. Just wake up and go on with my life. But they're not always nightmares, sometimes it's visions which scares me sometimes because I feel as though i'm going crazy. I won't talk to anybody professional though, I don't need a psychiatrist. Whatever this is I can make it through on my own, just like I have with every other problem I've faced in my life. Although, I did discuss this with my older brother last night, maybe two nights ago. He takes some psychology classes so I was curious to see what he had to say. I told him about my nightmares I used to have and about the feelings I have now. I didn't go into detail, just asked him if he ever gets the feeling that someone is watching him. You know that feeling, well I feel it every second of my life. Even when I know it's impossible for anyone to see me I still feel as though someone is watching me. What I didn't tell him is I know exactly who it is I feel is watching me all the time. Like I said, I didn't go into detail with him on the present issues i'm dealing with. Thats all I really feel like saying right now, all I really feel comfortable with saying right now.. maybe i'll discuss it later in life, but if i'm going to talk about it there is only one person, one girl, that I would ever talk too. I love you and I don't mean to give you a sense of curiosity, but maybe i'll tell you all about it sometime. Just promise me you won't think i'm crazy okay? I love you Destany.
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