What could have been..

9 days until the day that could have been.. the day that should have been.. 9 more days until the first of December. I dread the day as I dread the first of every month that passes now. Every time a new month starts it reminds me of what could have been. An anniversary of nothing.. 2 months strong of being alone again. I know it shouldn't matter because February is coming soon, but it's still hard... knowing what the 1st of every month should be and knowing what it's not... It's just hard..