A bit of Background

    Well, to start I will say my name is Jacob. I used to love my name until I got to high school and realized half the kids have the same names as me.. If I could change my name to anything it would be something unique and uncommon. I was born on September 20th. I wish I had been born in October because then my birthday and my favorite holiday would be in the same month. =] I love Halloween, I always have and I love Dia de Los Muertos, but not many people celebrate that up here. The people I live with don't celebrate Dia de Los Muertos either, they don't understand it. It's a holiday about the celebration of death rather than the mourning of death. The only people I know who actually celebrate it our my cousins who live in San Diego. They are my biggest inspiration in life. They both went to Yosemite High School (Where I go now) and they are both like me so they are the only people who really understand me. My blood cousins name is Jon and he married Chynna who writes and illustrates comic books. They are really amazing people and quite often I wish I lived down with them in San Diego.

    Not much of a childhood, at least not much I can remember. Around the age of 5 my father died which scarred me for life, but after 10 years it's gotten easier. I guess that pretty much fucked up my childhood right there because life was never the same after that. I'm not entirely sure how he died because when it came to telling us my mother was rather vague. I want to ask what really happened because I think it's something I need to know, but it's something that could change my outlook on many things. Someday I will ask and find out the truth but for now I'm somewhat content about living with a possibly lie. I live with my mom and my 2 brothers but most of the time i'm the only one home. My mother's name is Lori but she is always out with friends. My oldest brother's name is Nick, he is really smart but he is nothing like me. He is always at work, at college, or with his girlfriend. My youngest brother's name is Stevie. He was named after my father (Steve) and he is usually with my mom and her boyfriend unless my mom is at the bar or at a party he is at home with me but we never talk.

    I used to be very depressed. That started in about 6th grade. I was always a dark child after my father died but I started showing signs in 6th grade. I started wearing all black and locking myself away from everyone. Never letting anyone into my heart and taking in all the insults letting everyone slowly kill me. Most the people I considered friends called me emo and many other things. If I have one true friend it would be Blake. I've known him since preschool and we have always been friends. Even today in our sophomore year of high school he is one of my best friends. My next post will be all about sophomore year. =]

    Like I said before I was always a dark child after my father died. My memory dates back to about fourth grade, I can't remember much before then. In fourth grade I started writing poetry. I guess thats when we started learning about poetry. I have never been able to write a poem about happiness or love and when I try it turns out rather mediocre and cliche. I always write dark poetry, about death and suicide etc.. I remember one of the first poems I wrote in fourth grade was about the death of myself. I shared it in front of the class and thats when the kids wrote me off as an outcast. Even the teacher didn't like me because I was such a morbid child. That teacher was horrible, so horrible I ended up going into home school for the last 3 months of the school year. I went back in 5th grade and continued on. Things weren't so bad in 5th grade, but then came 6th grade. The insults had gotten the best of me, I felt like the world came crashing down and there was nothing I could do so I locked myself away for a long time. Then came 7th grade, I was still the same but things got better because of my English teacher Mrs. Fowler. She made us keep a journal and write a page everyday, I wish I still had it. I would love to see what I had wrote about in 7th grade. I don't remember much I just remember she taught me a lot about writing and poetry but mainly she taught me a lot about life and how to live life. She is a very calm, laid back person and very fun to be around. Her class was always dimmed and she had a couch in there we could kick back on while we watched movies. That was probably my favorite teacher in elementary school. =)

    8th grade there isn't much to write about, I wasn't as depressed but this is the year I wrote most of my poetry. I had a lot more fun in this year but I was still very locked up and I still secluded myself from everyone. This was the year I had my second favorite teacher Mr. Wimer.  He was a really cool guy, he used to be in a band and he played guitar at the end of class. He taught me math and history, math was never fun for me but somehow he made it pretty awesome and History has always been my favorite class so that was fun too. The two people I considered my friends in 8th grade weren't really people I should have considered friends. One of them was Jake and the other was Albert. Jake has always been a dick to everyone, he thinks he is better than everyone else and treats you like shit and Albert... well I don't know why I was his friend, I don't know why I still am his friend. He tried to stab someone in the bathroom in 7th grade which I almost got expelled for because I didn't tell on him. Albert also didn't care about anyone else, after reading some of my dark poems about death he told me to commit suicide. I make some good friends eh?

    Thats all I really have to write about myself I think I covered just about everything thats happened in the past. Right now things are much better. I'm no longer as secluded as I used to be and I am much more.. well.. myself. I met the most amazing girl and she showed me a world I had never seen before, a world of total bliss. Every second I spend with her is incredible. I love her so much, she is the most beautiful girl in this world and I love everything about her.. I love you Destany<3     I guess thats all I have, now you know a little bit about me. Well, at least the depressing past and empty childhood. I shall post more recent stuff in the future and it probably won't be nearly as long. If you read this whole thing than all I have to say is thank you for caring enough to even want to know about me. =)