Sunday, May 29, 2011
I have the fears, the pain and the tears I just can't hide. It all disappears 'cause everything passes with the time. All you need is reason to believe.
Okay, I want to blog but I really don't have anything to say. Nothing of interest at least. Nothing anyone should waste their time reading. =] Here is my question to you. Why do you care? Why are you wasting your life away by reading my utterly useless nonsensical words that lack any spec of wisdom or profoundness. If you're looking for something profound, go listen to The Doors. Seriously though, The Doors kick ass. Anyway, I could sit here and write all about what's on my mind. But why do you care? My mind is rather boring at times. I could write things like "I am drinking a Dr. Pepper" ...Who gives a shit? Honestly does any of it really matter. So now I have to spend my time thinking of something unfathomable by the human mind. Something non imaginable by any means whatsoever. Something so unmistakably complex that the only place it could have possibly been born was the very depths of my soul. I'm beginning to find my words lack importance of any kind and my last few statements have become quite redundant. So here I go on my search not of the mind, but of the heart, of the soul, in hope for none other than a thought itself. Because not all thoughts generate in the mind, no. Some, the thoughts so profound, so unmatchable to any thought ever thought before, those come from the heart. Which is a place I don't like to go very often because in my opinion the heart is blind. The heart is irrational, insecure and neurotic. The heart is so encumbered with love and hate that any rationality or sense cannot be found. If you look in the physical heart, you will find nothing but arteries and vesicles. But, if you look into the emotional heart you will find it is the most complex part of the body. So bewildering with its endless emotions. Emotions that you yourself don't even realize exist because we as humans try to stay away from the heart. Out of sight out of mind. Because it's in our nature to be afraid. Afraid to get hurt, afraid of the pain and emotional toll that can come from opening your heart. So, we try to keep it locked up and forget it's there. Some people have adapted to this behavior. They have found a way to not shut out the heart, but to completely obliterate it until every emotion has died off. Then you find we get serial killers. But other people. People who can't get rid of their emotion, they have a chance. Most won't take the chance because with every chance comes a risk. It may be the biggest risk of your life: To open your heart. Most won't have it, they will keep people at arms length. But other's more brave and more wise all the same, will open their heart to one person and only one person. These are the people who feel something so unmatchable by any emotion ever felt, something so terrible that they hate it with every bit of their soul but wouldn't get rid of it for anything, something so unbelievable they feel as if life is nothing but a dream, they feel it's too unrealistic to be real. These are the people who fall in love. But with every passing day they are taking the risk and once you start there is no turning back. To lose the one you truly love is to completely die inside. The heart, once filled with such fantastic emotion becomes nothing but a black hole. Turning everything to bitter dust. This is why true love only comes around once in a lifetime. You can only ever fully open your heart to one other person because once you've been torn apart inside you are constantly being penetrated by thoughts and memories of that one person, in turn, making it impossible to ever fall in love again. If you thought you were in love yet have moved on then I'm sorry my friend you were never in love at all, because once you love someone you love them 'til death and you could never let that person go and you could never forget about them from the time they left to the time you took your final breath. You would be thinking of them on your death bed and wishing for nothing other than to have them there to hold your hand as you leave this cruel world. But it doesn't always have to end that way. It doesn't always have to end. When you honestly love someone, and they honestly love you. When you completely trust someone with your life and they trust you all the same. When you don't ever want to lose someone and they would never let you go. You will most certainly be together until death do you part. Once you find love, IF you find love, that's when you know the real meaning of life. That's when you have found your place in the world. That is your reason to live. But a lifetime isn't very long and you don't have a lot of time to find them. The person who is the perfect match for you. The person who completes you. So my friend you best start looking, because everyone has someone out there. It's just a matter of time before you find them. It could be 90 years and it could be tomorrow so never give up, never give in, and never let go. You always have a reason to live. I'm just lucky that I found my reason this early in life. Lucky that I found Destany. But in all honesty is it really luck that brings us together? Or is it fate? I don't believe in a god but I do believe everything happens for a reason and there isn't a second that goes by that I'm not thankful for what my life has brought me. Not a second that goes by that I'm not thankful to have found Destany and it can only get better from here on out. Now that we can leave our childhood and begin our lives. Open our eyes. Find that life is more amazing than we could have ever imagined. Start our own family, and eventually send our own kids off to find their reason to live, just like we did. I couldn't ask for a better future because, well, I couldn't dream of one if I tried. I will always love you Destany, forever & always, until we die.